Long-Distance Grandparenting: Ideas to Help New Parents from a Distance
That long-awaited grandbaby is finally coming! But your excitement is mixed with sadness: as a long-distance grandparent, you can’t be there when the baby comes. Work schedules, finances, geography, ill health: there are many reasons you can’t be on the scene to help the new parents. (Let’s not forget the occasional pandemic…)
You want to be supportive, but knowing how to help when you can't be there in person is hard. Don’t despair! Long-distance grandparents can still provide crucial support to new parents. You can also start creating a meaningful bond with your grandchild, even from afar.
Ways to Offer Practical Support to New Parents from Far Away
One of the most helpful things long-distance grandparents can do is provide practical support to lighten the new parents' load. If you could be there, you’d likely be helping with household basics. You can also do this from a distance, though it will cost more than just your time.
Meal prep services abound, and there is one for every budget and palate. You could also consider sending gift cards to local restaurants that offer delivery. Delivery services like Doordash and Instacart make it easy to provide dinner from a distance.
Home cleaning services are widely available, and having someone else mop the floor and scrub the shower is a true gift to new parents. Almost every town has a dry cleaner or laundromat that offers “wash, dry and fold”, and many offer pick-up and delivery—making this service even more convenient. Read more about finding help with meals, house cleaning, and laundry.
You could also order essential items like diapers, wipes, and formula to be delivered directly to their home. Just check to make sure that you are ordering the right brand and size—parents generally have a clear preference and a case of the wrong formula won’t help anyone.
If your budget allows, offer to cover the cost of a professional to help where you can’t. A postpartum doula or night nurse can make all the difference in those early, sleepless nights after bringing a baby home. A lactation consultant can be a lifesaver for parents who have chosen to breast- or chest feed. One long-distance grandmother paid for a sleep consultant when the arrival of baby #3 caused an older grandchild to have trouble sleeping.
Providing Emotional Support as a Long-Distance Grandparent
New parents need emotional support just as much as practical help. Long-distance grandparents can help by maintaining regular communication through texts, phone calls, or video chats. Send an encouraging message each morning to start their day on a positive note.
Show parents that you care about their well-being, not just updates about the baby. Many parents have shared that when grandparents ask about how the baby is eating or sleeping, it feels like their performance as parents is being judged. Instead, ask how the parents are doing. Leave them room to share what they are comfortable sharing. Listen without judgment or unsolicited advice, and remind them that they are doing a great job.
Though it’s harder from a distance, be alert for signs of postpartum depression. While “the baby blues” are common and not usually a cause for concern, more serious perinatal mental health conditions need attention. Knowing the signs to look for is helpful, so take time to read our post Postpartum Mental Health: Signs Grandparents Should Look For.
How to Share Helpful Information with New Parents From a Distance
New parents can feel overwhelmed by all the decisions they need to make. You can support them by sharing trusted resources, like The Postpartum Planning Toolkit from Like a Sister Support. This guide helps them think through all the support and systems they’ll need to get through those first weeks and months after the baby comes. It’s a lifesaver for parents who may not have nearby family to help out.
You can also help by taking time to learn about current parenting practices, so you can support their choices without questioning. Ask the parents what information sources they rely on and read those yourself. Let them know they can contact you any time, day or night, with urgent questions. Make sure they know you are also available when they just need a listening ear!
6 Tips for Bonding with Your Grandbaby from a Distance
It's natural to worry that distance will make it hard to bond with your grandbaby. As long-distance grandparents around the world can tell you, a strong connection will form with time and effort. Your grandbaby can grow up knowing and loving you even if you aren’t part of their daily world from day one.
Ask the parents to share photos and videos regularly, perhaps through a shared album. Just don’t keep asking—the last thing new parents need is constant demands for more pictures. Another warning: don’t share photos you’ve been sent without asking for parents’ permission. Many parents are reluctant for their child’s digital image to be shared online, or with people they don’t know.
During video chats, read stories, sing songs, or play peek-a-boo with the baby. Send a recordable storybook with your voice, or create a photo book with family members' names and faces. For more on these ideas, check out our post 4 Ways to Connect with Baby from Afar.
Creating Lasting Memories with Your Long-Distance Grandbaby
Even if you can't be physically present, you can still create lasting memories with your grandbaby. Keep a journal of milestones, funny stories, and your thoughts and wishes for your grandchild. This will create a record that they will treasure someday.
Set habits of connection from the start. Send them mail, even when they are too young to appreciate it. Grandparent Love Letters are a great way to share your stories and family history with your grandbaby. You could also send cards to mark each monthly birthday or other special occasions.
Make sure to take screenshots of your Facetime calls, to preserve the time you spend together. You can look forward to singing the songs and telling the stories in person when you finally get to visit. For more support and creative ideas for connection, visit The Long Distance Grandparent.
Long-Distance Grandparenting: You Make a Difference!
Now that you have some ideas for what you can do to help, talk to parents to find out what would be helpful to them. They may already have meals sorted, or have gotten a large supply of diapers from friends. Communication is just as important for long-distance grandparents as it is for those living nearby!
Your love, care, and support can have a huge positive impact, even from miles away. Better yet, your consistent effort will do more than just help new parents. It will also set the stage for the most wonderful visits when you eventually get to be together in person.
