Rules for Grandparents Babysitting: How to Make It Work for Your Family
From full-time child care to occasional weekend evenings, “babysitter” is a role that many grandparents take on. Sometimes it’s a way to spend more time with their grandchildren. Sometimes it’s to give parents a much-needed break. Often, it’s to help with the rising costs of childcare. If you’ve thought about whether grandparents babysitting is right for your family, this post is for you.
But before you take it on, it’s important to understand both the joys and challenges that come with caring for grandchildren. There are definite pros and cons to being your grandchild’s babysitter, and the pros don’t always outweigh the cons.
Grandparents Babysitting Benefits
There's no doubt that spending regular time with your grandchildren can be incredibly rewarding. It's an opportunity to build a strong, lasting relationship with them from an early age. But did you know that it could also be good for your health?
A 2017 study found that grandparents who regularly babysit their grandchildren had a 37% lower mortality rate than those who did not. We know that the more active you are, the better your health is as you age. Grandkids are great for keeping you active!
More than your physical health is improved. Other studies show that the risk of dementia is lower in grandparents babysitting their grandkids.
Not only grandparents get benefits: mothers who have grandparents who help out have lower rates of depression.
These findings underscore what many of us already know intuitively: staying active and engaged with our families is good for our overall well-being.
Shirley Showalter, author of The Mindful Grandparent, knows this first hand. She and her husband were “grandnannies” for two of their three grandchildren, and she wrote that “The two years we spent as grandnannies are among the greatest joys of our lives.”
Potential Challenges for Babysitting Grandchildren
While babysitting can be a joy, it's not without its challenges. The physical demands of caring for young children can be overwhelming, especially as we age. It's also a commitment that can impact your personal plans and activities. Those studies that show the benefits of grandparents babysitting? They were looking at grandparents who babysat one day a week.
What’s more, babysitting can sometimes lead to relationship issues with your adult children. Differences in parenting styles or expectations can create tension if you don’t address them openly and respectfully. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, remember that it's okay to take a step back.
Setting Boundaries to Avoid Grandparent Babysitting Burnout
As a grandparent babysitter, it's crucial to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Don’t find yourself in the situation of the grandmother who wrote to us last year. She was so exhausted from caring for her young grandchildren that it was affecting her health. She needed to change the situation, but she was afraid her daughter would cut off contact if she did.
Make sure to have the conversation up front about what you are willing to do. Go over what will happen if you need to adjust your schedule. Parents should have a plan for when you are sick, going on vacation, or just need a break. (For more on this topic, check out our post on avoiding babysitting burnout.)
Making It Work: Rules for Grandparent Babysitters
To make it a positive experience for everyone involved, grandparents who babysit should follow these guidelines:
Follow schedules and routines: Consistency is key for children. Stick to the schedules and routines set by their parents.
Adhere to parents' guidelines: This includes rules about food, media use, and discipline. Remember, you can be most helpful by supporting parents' decisions.
Maintain open communication: Establishing boundaries in the beginning and having regular check-ins with parents can prevent misunderstandings and ensure everyone's on the same page.
Prepare for emergencies: Take a child CPR class, learning how to respond to choking incidents, and brush up on basic first aid. For more tips on emergency preparedness, check out our blog post on being prepared for emergencies while babysitting.
Avoid secrets: Never ask your grandchild to keep secrets from their parents. This can erode trust with parents. What’s more, it can condition your grandchild to think it’s normal for adults to ask children to withhold important information from their parents. Sadly, this can set them up to fall victim to child sexual abusers.
Clarify expectations: Be clear about what you want in return for your time. Whether it's payment, priority at holidays, or simply the joy of spending time with your grandchildren, it's important to have these conversations upfront.
The Stakes Are High
It might seem like a long list of instructions, but smart grandparents will take them seriously. If parents hire a babysitter who doesn’t follow instructions, they’ll likely fire them. The stakes for grandparent babysitters are much higher. Not adhering to parents' wishes could impact your entire relationship with your adult children and potentially limit your time with your grandchildren.
Should Grandparents Get Paid for Babysitting?
According to a 2023 Harris Poll, 42% of working parents depend on grandparents for unpaid childcare. Most of these grandparents do so without any financial compensation. If you are providing regular childcare while parents work, don’t be afraid to ask parents to pay you for your time. If you’d like to be paid, ignore the voices that say you should feel privileged to be allowed to take care of your grandkids.
It’s not about how much you love your grandchildren. It’s about providing a service that parents need at a fair price and being valued for it. Parents need to recognize it’s not realistic to assume that grandparents will always be available for free babysitting. Ask parents to look into what they’d pay for child care, and suggest they pay you a percentage of that. For more suggestions on how to have this conversation, read this article on HuffPost.com.
Making It Work for Your Family
Babysitting your grandchildren can be an incredibly rewarding experience. The opportunity to build strong bonds and create lasting memories is priceless. However, it's important to approach this role with clear communication, respect for parents' decisions, and an understanding of your own limits.
If you're considering taking on a babysitting role, take some time to consider what you can realistically offer. Have open conversations with your adult children about expectations, and don't be afraid to set boundaries. Remember, the goal is to create a positive experience for everyone involved – you, your adult children, and your grandchildren.
Have you signed up for our newsletter yet? We send weekly tips and advice to help you navigate the joys and challenges of being a grandparent today. Click here to sign up.
