Should Grandparents Move Closer to Grandchildren? Benefits, Challenges, and How to Decide
Arlene was sitting in her living room, scrolling through photos of her grandchildren on her phone. As she swiped through images of toothless grins, first steps, and days at the park, a familiar ache settled in her chest. She wished she could be there for more of these precious moments. The thought crossed her mind, as it had many times before: "Should we move closer to the grandkids?"
It's a question many grandparents grapple with, especially as we approach retirement or find ourselves with more flexibility in our lives. We all want to be a bigger part of our grandchildren's world. But moving is a major life change, and there's a lot to think about before you start packing boxes.
There are both benefits and challenges to living close to your grandchildren. Before you decide to move closer, you need to consider more than just the desire for increased time with your family. We’re here to help you think it all through—including what you need to know to make it work if you decide to make the move.
The Joy of Grandparents Living Near Grandchildren
There's no denying the joy that comes from being physically close to our grandchildren. The appeal of popping over for impromptu visits and being there for important milestones is clear. Not to mention how fulfilling it is to be able to offer regular support to parents!
When grandparents live nearby, they often:
Provide regular childcare support, giving parents a much-needed break
Attend school events, sports games, and recitals
Develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with their grandchildren
Offer practical help during busy times or emergencies
Create lasting memories through frequent, casual interactions
Take, for example, the story of Linda and Bob, who moved from Florida to North Carolina to be closer to their daughter's family. "We were missing so much," Linda shares. "Now, we're part of the everyday fabric of our grandkids' lives. We help with school pickup, attend their soccer games, and have weekly family dinners. It's brought us all closer together in ways we couldn't have imagined."
While stories like Linda and Bob's are heartwarming, it's important to remember that every family situation is unique. Before packing up and heading to your grandchildren's hometown, there are several really important factors to consider.
What Grandparents Should Consider Before Moving Closer to Grandchildren
Relocating to be closer to grandchildren is a decision that impacts nearly every aspect of your life. Here are some crucial points to weigh:
Employment and Finances: Are you retired, or would you need to find new employment? How would the move affect your financial situation?
Health and Healthcare: Do you have health concerns that require specialized medical care? Even if you don’t, what is the healthcare situation in the new location?
Social Support: Beyond your family, what kind of social network would you have in the new area? How easy would it be to make new friends and connections?
Cost of Living: Is the area where your grandchildren live affordable for you? Consider housing costs, taxes, and day-to-day expenses.
Climate and Lifestyle: Would you be comfortable with the climate and lifestyle in the new location? This can significantly impact your quality of life.
Impact on Other Relationships: How would the move affect your relationships with other family members or friends? If you have other adult children, how might they feel about your relocation?
Long-term Sustainability: Is this a move you can sustain as you age? Consider factors like the availability of senior services and age-friendly housing.
Retirement Plans: How would this move align with or alter your existing retirement plans?
Cultural Fit: Would you feel comfortable and at home in the new community? Consider factors like political climate, religious atmosphere, and social norms.
Remember, it's not just about being close to the grandchildren – it's about ensuring that you can maintain a fulfilling, healthy life in your new home. Take time to research and truly consider each of these factors before making your decision.
Besides research and careful consideration, there’s an even more important part of this decision: talking with your adult children about your plans.
Why Open Communication is Crucial When Grandparents Consider Moving
When considering a move closer to your grandchildren, open and honest communication with your adult children is absolutely crucial. It's not just about informing them of your plans; it's about having in-depth conversations about expectations, boundaries, and the potential impact on everyone involved.
Here's why clear communication is so important:
It helps align expectations on both sides
It allows for discussion of potential challenges before they become issues
It demonstrates respect for your adult children's lives and choices
It provides an opportunity to address any concerns openly
It sets the foundation for a positive transition if you do decide to move
Unfortunately, failing to communicate effectively can lead to significant problems. Consider this story shared by a parent about her in-laws' move:
"My in-laws moved closer without asking or ever discussing it with us. We figured it would be positive to have more family close by, so we didn't voice any concerns. However, they had many unspoken expectations about what this experience would be like, and it has been conflict after conflict since they arrived.
They took issue with our parenting style, told us how to discipline our kids, and trampled every boundary we tried to set. They've effectively destroyed their relationship with us. Without clear discussions beforehand about hopes, expectations, and boundaries, it turned into a disaster."
This heartbreaking story underscores the importance of open dialogue before making such a significant move. Here are some tips for having constructive conversations about potentially moving closer:
Start the conversation early: Don't wait until you've made a decision to bring it up.
Be open and honest: Share your thoughts, hopes, and concerns openly.
Listen actively: Pay attention to what your adult children are saying, both verbally and non-verbally.
Ask questions: Inquire about their thoughts, concerns, and expectations.
Discuss boundaries: Talk about how involved you envision being in their daily lives and listen to their preferences.
Be prepared for hesitation: Remember, your adult children might need time to process the idea.
Avoid assumptions: Don't assume you know what they want or need. Ask.
Discuss practicalities: Talk about how the move might impact childcare, visits, and family dynamics.
Be flexible: Be open to compromises and alternative solutions.
Remember, the goal of moving closer is to become closer to your adult children and grandchildren. Without honest conversations, moving closer can end up making your relationship worse.
Trial Moves: How Grandparents Can Test Living Closer to Grandchildren
If you've had these conversations with your family and are seriously considering a move, a trial period can be a great way to see how it works before making a permanent change.
It allows you to experience daily life in the new location
You can assess the impact on family dynamics without a long-term commitment
It provides an opportunity to identify and address potential challenges
You can evaluate whether the move aligns with your expectations and goals
Consider renting a place for 6-12 months in your grandchildren's area. This gives you enough time to find out if being closer is better for everyone. Look in to home swapping if renting seems too expensive. (On the other hand, if renting is out of your budget, you may not be able to afford a move.)
A trial period will give you the chance to experience different seasons in the new town and get a feel for the community. You’ll be able to set up a routine that includes family time and your own activities. This will help you see if you can build a social life beyond your family, which is important for everyone.
You’ll also become familiar with practical considerations, like the cost of living and what the healthcare system is like. The last thing you want to do is move to a new place and find that you can’t afford to join a gym or get a haircut. Or discover there are no primary care doctors accepting new patients.
Most important, you’ll be able to see how it really affects your relationship with your grandchildren and their parents. You might find you love being more involved, or you may find that your children and grandchildren are too busy to include you as often as you hoped.
During this trial run, keep talking openly with your family. Regular check-ins can help you deal with any issues that come up and make sure everyone's comfortable with how things are going.
Long-Distance Grandparenting: Staying Close to Grandchildren from Afar
After careful consideration, you may decide that moving closer isn't the right choice for you. Don’t assume this will mean your grandchildren will grow up not knowing you. Geographical distance doesn't have to mean emotional distance.
Many grandparents maintain close, loving relationships with their grandchildren despite living far apart. Some even find that the grandma who swoops in for special trips has an advantage! Sometimes distance is better for your relationship with your adult children.
Make sure you’ve read our posts for bridging the distance, including:
Making the Best Decision for Grandparents—and the Rest of the Family
Deciding whether to move closer to your grandchildren is a choice that depends on many factors, some of which we can’t control. It’s a decision that impacts the whole family. While we all want to be there for our grandchildren, it's important to think about all aspects of such a big life change.
Remember these key points:
Think carefully about practical considerations like finances, health, and long-term plans.
Have open, honest conversations with your adult children.
Consider a trial period before making a permanent move.
If moving isn't the best solution for everyone, know that you can still maintain a close relationship from afar.
Should you move closer to your grandkids? There's no right answer. The best choice is the one that works for you, your adult children, and your grandchildren, and helps build positive relationships and family harmony.
We'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Have you considered moving closer to your grandchildren? Or have you found ways to stay close despite the distance? Share your stories in the comments below.
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