New Parents Need a Village
Scrolling through Instagram one day, I came across a post from @highlysensitivefamily that struck a chord. It was a long message, but the part that stuck with me was this:
Today’s parents don’t need more experts telling them how to be good parents. What they need is a supportive village full of people who love and care for them. (You can read the whole message here.)
The Changing Landscape of Parenting
Parenting is different now. Parents have always found themselves juggling busy schedules and demanding jobs while learning to care for a tiny human, but there are new pressures on today’s parents. Working from home and/or finding affordable childcare, a healthcare system that is challenging to navigate, a global pandemic, a fractured society—these are all additional pressures on your grandchild’s parents.
And then there is the element added by social media and the internet: expert (and inexpert) advice at every turn. All this advice implies that there is an ideal way to parent, and too many parents feel they are failing.
It's no wonder so many of them are stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed.
Grandparents, we’ve got the power to change that.
The Power of a Supportive Village
What parents need is caring people to support and uplift them. Having a support system in place is more useful than all the expert advice in the world. What kind of support are we talking about? Things like these:
Emotional support and reassurance. Having someone sympathetic to turn to is invaluable in the early months of parenthood. Grandparents can be a primary source of emotional support. Just being there to listen, offer words of encouragement, and provide a shoulder to lean on can bring immense comfort and relief to new parents.
The best way to do this is by establishing open communication and respectful boundaries from the start. Regularly check in with the parents, listen attentively to their concerns, and provide a safe space for them to share their joys and challenges. Establishing clear lines of communication will lead to trust and understanding—and reduce the chance of misunderstandings and tension down the road.
Practical assistance. Exhausted, overwhelmed new parents need help. A simple act such as cooking, picking up groceries, or doing the laundry can be an enormous relief for tired parents. Every family’s needs are different, so take time to find out what you can do to help lighten their load. We’ve got lots of suggestions in the following blog posts:
Even if you can’t be there to help in person, there are still many ways to help out. Read Helping New Parents from a Distance for ideas.
Perspective. The experiences and wisdom you gained while raising your own children can reassure new parents. Sharing parenting tips and techniques can offer valuable guidance as they are navigating uncharted territory. Of course, make sure parents are open to your suggestions, and make sure that you aren’t giving advice that goes against modern safety or care standards (which you’ll be up on after finishing New Grandparent Essentials!).
By sharing your wisdom, you can provide a perspective that new parents may not have considered. After offering advice, always support their decisions, allowing them to make informed choices that align with their values.
Strengthening family bonds. The patterns you set in these early days will shape the family's future, creating lasting connections between generations. When you show parents that you want to be there for them—and that they can count on you—it strengthens your relationship.
These intergenerational relationships are crucial in the development of children. Your relationship with their parents sets the tone for your relationship with your grandchildren. The love and connection you establish with your grandchild are part of the foundation for their emotional well-being and future success.
Grandparents: the village elders
Grandparents, with their experience and devotion to family, are clearly perfect candidates for the role of village elder. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking that the role of elder means that the rest of the village should defer to you.
Differing opinions, generation gaps, and past relationship patterns can all make navigating the grandparent-parent relationship tricky. To make this new relationship work, it takes love, understanding, and a sincere effort to learn how to support parents in ways that work for them. But if there is anything that is worth the effort, it’s being a part of a village that is centered around nurturing a new generation: your grandchild.
Take the time to learn about new parenting styles and practices. Stay informed about the latest trends and research in child-rearing. Focus on creating a habit of honest, respectful communication to show you want to learn and understand the parents' perspective. Respect, flexibility, and compromise are key ingredients in making sure everyone gets along in your grandchild’s village.
We’ve got a wide variety of resources that will help you navigate your role of grandparent and support new parents. Explore this blog and website, and make sure to check out New Grandparent Essentials for a shortcut to everything you need to know.