Holiday Planning: What Parents Want Grandparents to Know About Holiday Celebrations
The holidays are approaching, and you are getting excited about celebrating with your grandchildren. Meanwhile, your grandchildren’s parents are beginning to worry. Why? Because they know there are bound to be conflicts with you over the hot spots that holidays bring. Holiday planning is just plain harder when there is a new baby in the picture.
And let’s be honest, you are a little worried, too. There are a lot of logistics to work out if you are having visitors, or visiting your grandchildren. The meal planning alone is stressful—not to mention the cooking!
So how do you prepare for a holiday season that maximizes the joy and minimizes the conflict?
As with everything, it’s vital that you start with an open conversation with your adult children. Don't skip this step! Most of the stress and disappointment around holidays comes from unmet expectations. Taking the time to share your desires and listening to those of your adult kids will set the stage for a holiday everyone can enjoy. Read on for the things your children want you to know.
Holiday travel and gatherings with babies are complicated
Don’t assume that your adult children want to continue to return to your home year after year, or that they want you to visit. Life gets more and more complicated as families grow, and it’s important that you let them know you want to follow their lead on this. As one parent pointed out, even if the holidays look different from years past, you’ll still be making memories. Ask them where would they would like to spend the holidays, and if they would welcome visitors or not.
Keep in mind that many parents are understandably cautious about visitors and traveling with children who are extra susceptible to winter viruses like flu and RSV. They may be uncomfortable with large gatherings, or reluctant to have a newborn held by anyone else. Respect that they are following the advice of their health care professionals, and express your support for their decision to prioritize their child’s health. As with all parenting choices that they make, you don’t have to agree or understand their reasoning to support them.
Grandparents go overboard with gifts
Gift giving is another hot spot. Why? When we polled parents, 75% of them wanted grandparents to listen to what they say about gifts. They expressed frustration about both the choice of gifts and the sheer amount of stuff. Ask if they have any suggestions for a gift, and be honest about whether you can accommodate the request. Once you’ve asked, don’t go on to ignore their answer. To parents, having their input completely ignored feels disrespectful. Read more about the problem of grandparents giving too many gifts in this post.
Holiday meals don’t have to set off drama
Holiday meals are famous for setting off big emotions. Many grandparents shared that this is one of the most stressful parts of the holiday planning. It’s hard not to hope for the Norman Rockwell picture of the loving family gathered around the table, even if it’s unrealistic.
Meanwhile, parents are worried that grandparents won’t respect their approach to feeding their child. Pressing a picky eater to try new foods or insisting that a toddler eat more than they want can make everyone uncomfortable. And if your grandchild’s parents say there’s a food allergy, believe them.
Taking the time to discuss expectations for things like meal times, foods to avoid, and what help you’ll need can reduce the stress immensely. Changing the time you serve dinner or making accommodations for a guest’s dietary needs are small inconveniences if your goal is holiday harmony.
Help for the holidays
We know these conversations aren’t always easy. That’s why we designed A Grandparent's Guide to Happy Holidays to help you discuss the things that can lead to disappointment and resentment. It's filled with tips and strategies for handling holiday hot spots, and will help you understand the things that are important to parents as you plan your holiday celebrations. You’ll get wise advice on handling things you may not have even considered, like changing holiday traditions and how The Other Grandparents might affect your gift-giving strategy. We’ve included valuable tools for getting organized, too. You can find out everything A Grandparent’s Guide to Happy Holidays includes here.
An honest conversation about holiday expectations is the first and most important step in your holiday planning. Make sure that everyone is able to express their hopes for what the holidays will look like this year. Not everyone will get everything they want—a lesson we all learned as children! But an open conversation and respecting one another’s needs will go a long way towards creating happy holiday memories.
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