Grandparents and Babysitting
Grandparents have been babysitting their grandchildren since the dawn of time. When families lived together or very near one another, it was easy for grandparents to provide the support and assistance that new families needed. That support is harder to come by today, just when parents need help more than ever. The percentage of mothers in the workforce has exploded, with over 70% of new moms working today.
Should Grandparents Babysit?
When family lives nearby, parents often turn to grandparents for help with childcare. There are good reasons for grandparents to agree to babysit. Besides the obvious chance to spend time with your grandchild, there seem to be health benefits. One study found over a 20-year period that grandparents who provided regular, part-time babysitting had a 37% chance of living longer than grandparents who didn’t babysit.
An Australian study showed that women who spend one day a week caring for their grandchildren may have a lower risk of developing dementia. Unfortunately, spending five days a week or more caring for little ones may actually carry a higher risk of dementia.
Grandparents are often eager to help out—but not always! If grandparents will be babysitting their grandchildren, it’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page. Here are some stories about how a disconnect can happen when grandparents babysit.
Stories of Grandparents Who Babysit
Julia & Matteo live near both sets of grandparents. They figure out that if each grandparent babysits 2 days a week, they’ll save enough on daycare to still be able to afford a new car and not cut out their annual trip to Mexico with their college friends. While all the grandparents are happy to agree to help out, they begin to feel like unpaid labor. When Julia brags to a friend about how much money they are saving on daycare in Grandma’s hearing, it’s hard not to feel as if their value is purely financial.
Debra’s first grandchild arrives just after she retires. She’s so excited to be a grandmother, which has happened far later for her than for most of her friends. She sets up a nursery so she can keep the baby overnight and give parents a break. When her son and daughter-in-law don’t want her to babysit until the baby is older, she is hurt and angry.
Janelle is a single mom, and money is tight. Her parents are willing to provide full time child care so she can work. When their granddaughter starts walking, they realize it’s more than they can handle. Knowing how much their daughter needs their help, they ignore the exhaustion until their health begins to suffer.
Alicia is happy to keep her grandson four mornings a week, enjoying every minute of time with him. Her son and daughter-in-law love that their son is becoming so close to his grandmother, but are not so thrilled that she has the TV news on all the time and feeds him things they’ve asked her not to. Since she’s doing so much for them, they aren’t sure how to ask her to stop.
Geri’s daughter only calls when daycare falls through. Her daughter hardly ever reaches out unless she needs something, making Geri feel as if being taken advantage of. She’s happy to help out, but wishes she could be included in her grandchild’s life beyond emergency babysitting.
What to Consider Before Babysitting Grandchildren
Do any of these stories sound familiar to you? Each of these families is doing the best they can, but none of them are entirely happy with the situation. From mild frustration to anger and exhaustion, there are issues that should be resolved. All of these families need to take time to talk about expectations, and regularly check in to see if things are working.
Offering to babysit grandchildren shouldn’t be done without careful thought. We cover many of the things grandparents should consider in How to Avoid Grandparent Burnout (and Other Perils of Looking After Grandkids). Likewise, parents shouldn’t assume grandparents will always be willing and able. Whether grandparents can babysit is one of the things that new parents and grandparents must talk about early and often.
Do you babysit your grandchildren? What issues have you run into, and how have you resolved them? Please share with us in the comments!