What Grandparents Need to Know About Sleep Training
Guest post by Lauren Engler of Via Graces Sleep Consultants
As a grandparent, sleep will very likely be a topic you hear your children talk about when they have kids. You might hear about how many times your grandchild woke them up the night before, how early they started their day, how long it took them to finally fall asleep, or how many times your child had to walk them back to their room throughout the night. If you live nearby or visit regularly, you’ll likely even experience some of this yourself!
You’ll also probably hear your child talk about sleep training – if they want to sleep train, when they might choose to do so, and what sleep training method they might use.
If you are a regular caregiver for your grandchildren, you might even be part of the sleep training process.
So in this blog post I am going to share what grandparents need to know about sleep training, including:
What sleep training is
Why sleep training is helpful
The most common sleep training methods
Ways to support your kids and grandkids when it comes to sleep
What is sleep training?
We’ve all heard of potty training. It’s generally around the age of two that parents start to teach their toddler to use the bathroom during the day rather than needing to wear a diaper. The goal of potty training is to give kids independence over their toileting so they can continue to thrive as they get older! When exactly parents start potty training depends on the readiness of both the parent and the child, as does which potty training method they choose to use.
Sleep training follows a similar idea – parents are teaching their babies and toddlers to fall asleep in their crib and bed without needing to be rocked, fed to sleep, or laid next to. The goal of sleep training is independent sleep at nap time and overnight so that parents can walk their little one through their sleep routine, then lay them down and walk away, knowing they will put themselves to sleep within a few minutes. Some babies still need a night feed after being sleep trained, but after that feed they can fall right back to sleep on their own. For older babies and toddlers, the goal is that they will sleep through the night!
When exactly parents choose to sleep train, however, depends on what is best for the parent and child, as does which sleep training method they choose. Unlike potty training, however, sleep training isn’t a “must!” It’s a personal family decision and it sometimes differs child to child.
Let’s dig in a bit more…
Why is sleep training helpful?
Everybody (adults and kids!) wakes up throughout the night. As we go from one sleep cycle to the next, we generally stir awake and then go right back to sleep.
For babies and kids who still need quite a bit of help falling asleep, however, they fully wake up during those stirrings and look for the same help that initially got them to sleep. They need to be rocked again, fed, given the pacifier, or have a parent lie next to them.
So the goal of sleep training is to teach little ones to not only fall asleep independently at bedtime, but to also be able to connect those sleep cycles throughout the night (and at naps!) so they can fall right back to sleep without needing help.
The most common sleep training methods
Just like any teaching and learning process, sleep training takes time and consistency for babies and kids to become independent sleepers. And there are different sleep training methods a parent can choose from to get there.
1. The “No Cry” Method
This method of sleep training takes the longest and is the most hands-on approach, as a parent very slowly transitions their child toward independent sleep. For example, if they currently nurse their baby to sleep each night, they transition to just rocking to sleep each night. Then they transition to patting the baby’s bum to sleep every night, then just using their voice, etc., until they’re able to walk away.
This method generally does have some tears, as that is how babies communicate and changes are still being made, but it is very gradual. The “no cry” method generally takes several weeks or a couple of months until independent sleep is reached.
2. The Chair Method
The chair method has a parent sitting in the room with the child as they’re falling asleep, and the parent can occasionally shush, pat, and pick up the child to give them comfort. As time goes on, the parent slowly moves the chair farther from the crib/bed, until they’re eventually no longer in the room. Depending on the age and temperament of the child, this method could take anywhere from 1-3 weeks before independence is reached.
3. Check and Console
Check and console is a method where you lay your baby or toddler down, then walk away for a set amount of time. You then come back in for a brief check-in, leave for that set amount of time again, do another check-in, and repeat until the little one is asleep. (If you have heard of the Ferber Method, it falls in this check-and-console category!) Depending on the age and temperament of the child, this method could take 1-2 weeks before independence is reached.
4. The Cry-it-Out Method
The cry-it-out method is when parents lay their little one down, walk away, and stay out of their room until morning time. When done correctly, this method is often the quickest (just a few days!) but also the hardest, because it doesn’t allow for any check-ins. While this method might seem tough, it absolutely works for some families!
The best method is different for every child
With all of this, it’s important to know that there’s no “best” method – every child and family is different! For families with multiple kiddos, sometimes the chair method just isn’t possible. Or oppositely, some parents really like the idea of the chair method, but it is more stimulating or frustrating for their baby or toddler to have them in there, so doing check-ins is best. Some parents can’t stand the thought of their child crying without them, while others can’t stand the thought of being right next to their child as they cry. Some parents are really struggling with such little sleep so want to see quick results, while others are okay waiting as long as it takes because they want as few tears as possible.
If you’d like to learn more, this blog post goes into more detail about each sleep training method and what families should consider when choosing a method.
How to support your kids and grandkids when it comes to sleep
When it comes to your grandkids’ sleep, there are different ways you can support them, including:
Listen! Your adult child is tired and likely overwhelmed by all of the information out there while trying to figure out what’s best for their child and family. Rather than trying to give them solutions, empathize with them! You probably remember those sleepless nights, as well.
Offer to help them! There are many ways grandparents can support their children when it comes to sleep. You could offer to babysit so your adult child can take a nap, or shower in peace, or go for a walk with a friend. You could stay the night and take a night shift of holding the baby or waking to feed them. If they’re ready to sleep train, you could also offer to buy them a sleep training course or give them money toward hiring a sleep consultant of their choice!
Remember that everyone is different! You might have sleep trained your kids when they were younger, or you might not have. Your adult child may choose to do the same, or they might make a different choice, and that’s okay! Every family’s approach to sleep is a bit different, and it might even look different child to child within the same family. Support them in whatever they choose!
Ask about the schedule and routines and do your best to stick to them! If you’re a regular caretaker for your grandkids, or you give your adult child a date night whenever you come visit, try to follow your grandchild’s regular sleep schedule and routines. It might seem overboard, but your child may have worked really hard to help their child sleep well and these routines make a big difference. Or your adult child might have a lot of anxiety around sleep and want to know they’re in control of something. Movie nights and early morning snuggles in grandma and grandpa’s bed are sweet, but double check that your child is okay with it.
Conclusion
You likely heard the term sleep training when your children were growing up, and you might have even sleep trained your kids, but it probably wasn’t as “hot” of a topic as it is now. There are so many Instagram accounts, blog posts, books, courses, and sleep consultants to learn from, and it can be overwhelming—for new parents, especially—to navigate the information overload.
If your adult child is struggling, come alongside them and support them in whatever way they deem best. The first step might simply be reading this blog post to learn more about the information that’s out there!
And if sleep and sleep training has already been a challenging conversation between you and your child, or you’re looking for some more guidance when it comes to talking to your kids about sleep and how to best support your grandkids’ sleep, listen to this podcast episode where Dee Dee and I chat all about it!
Lauren Engler is a wife, a mama to three beautiful girls, and a former elementary teacher turned pediatric sleep consultant. She's the founder and owner of Via Graces and she and her team help tired families of newborns, babies, and toddlers transform the bedtime experience so everyone can get the best sleep possible. They do this through online sleep classes as well as one-on-one personalized support plans. You can learn more about your grandchild’s sleep from her blog/podcast as well as by following her on Instagram!
