Tips & Tricks for Facetime with Babies
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If you spent any time at all dreaming of someday having a grandbaby, you no doubt pictured holding that warm little body in your arms and inhaling that “new baby smell”. You probably envisioned the time you would spend tickling that round little tummy and playing “this little piggy went to market” on those sweet little toes.
But for millions of grandparents, the reality is that they live too far away to fully experience the precious months when their grandchild is a baby. They mourn the loss of the image of grandparenting that they had. They worry that their grandchild won’t know them because of the distance. It’s hard to be a long-distance grandparent.
We know we are incredibly lucky to be grandparents in the world of video chat. Instead of having to travel across the world to see our grandbaby learning to stand, we can do it via our phones. And while a video connection will never replace that new baby smell, it can be a way for us to play with our grandchild. More important, it can help them learn who we are, even when we can’t be there.
So how exactly do you engage a baby via FaceTime? First, enlist the help of your grandchild’s parents. Let them know that being a part of the baby’s life is important for you, and for the child as well. If they are worried about the effects of screen time on their child’s developing brain, share this with them: While the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies under 18 months have no screen time, that recommendation has one important exception: video chat. Live video chats offer a baby the back-and-forth pattern of conversation which is crucial for language development. You’ll be helping, not hurting.
FaceTime or Zoom with very young babies
Next, find a time that is mutually convenient. Ask if you can set a regularly scheduled time for calls, with the understanding that it will likely change as baby grows and his or her routine changes. Having a weekly “date” will help you both prioritize the time you spend together. In the early months, ask if you can FaceTime during bath time or story time. Offer to send parents a mini-tripod like this one to make it easier for them to set up the phone on their end, and let them initiate the calls so it’s as convenient as possible on their end.
Use this period before baby is ready to engage to concentrate on your relationship with parents. Instead of just talking about the baby, show an interest in parents and how they are coping with new parenthood. Follow their lead on the conversation: while many new parents are eager to share every detail of the baby’s day with an interested party, others would love the chance to discuss the latest plot twist on Succession.
Another convenient time to video chat with the youngest babies is tummy time. If parents set their phone on the floor, you can chat to the baby while they work on those neck and shoulder muscles. Sing simple songs or recite nursery rhymes to try to get their attention: rhythm and rhyme help engage the listening and concentration skills essential for brain development and memory. Beyond the developmental advantage they’ll get from your songs and poems, they’ll become familiar with your voice and face.
Video Chat as baby gets older
Once they get old enough to react to you, the fun really begins. The time-tested game of peekaboo works just as well on the phone as it does when you are sitting next to the baby. You can cover your face with your hands just as you would in person, or simply cover the phone or laptop camera with your finger. Alternately, you can flip the camera around and back again. Play with different methods and see which one gets the best response on any given day! Mixing it up is part of the fun and surprise for a baby.
Keep singing those songs as baby gets older. One long-distance grandmother sang a certain song to end each video call, making it a kind of theme song for her grandson. Because of Covid, she wasn’t able to actually meet him until he was over two, and he was understandably wary about this life-sized Nana who appeared in person. The instant she started singing their song, all his reluctance melted away. Simple songs with hand gestures will captivate most babies: The Itsy, Bitsy Spider or Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Don’t remember the hand movements? Do a search on Youtube.
Meal times are an ideal time for FaceTime or Skype calls once baby gets mobile. If possible, ask parents to use a tablet or laptop for your calls so you are bigger than a phone screen. Get mom or dad to set up the screen at eye level, and read a story. (Read this post for info on why this is so important and for tips on reading.) They might not even seem to be paying attention, but again, they’ll be getting to know your voice and their language skills will benefit.
Another great way to interact during meal times is to ask your grandchild to share a bite of their lunch with you. Pretend to eat it when they hold it out towards the phone, with lots of chewing noises and “Mmmm”. They will be delighted when you respond with an enthusiastic thank you, or beg for more. Share your snack with them, as well!
Manage your expectations
For babies, if you get 10-30 seconds of them responding to you, you are doing well. That time will gradually increase, but be realistic about how long a one-year-old is going to stay focused on a phone screen. No matter what their age, the key is to not expect much on any given call. Just as with in-person visits, it’s the routine of showing up that will create the bond. Don’t get discouraged if your grandchild seems to be ignoring you, or if your games and songs fall flat. Try again the next week, or the next month.
Bonding with a baby from a distance takes patience and collaboration with parents, but it is entirely possible! Make video chats a regular part of your grandparenting plan, and take screen shots of your time together just as you would take photos in person. Whether it’s in person or from thousands of miles away, spending time with your grandbaby will create a foundation for a close and supportive relationship.
