Helping New Parents Prepare for the Fourth Trimester
It’s almost time! Your grandchild is due in a few short weeks and everyone is excited to welcome this new baby. Everything is ready for the baby’s arrival: Parents have taken childbirth classes, made a birth plan, arranged their postpartum leave, set up the nursery, and stocked up on diapers.
But have they made an actual plan for the postpartum period? Those weeks after the baby arrives will go so much more smoothly if they have a strategy in place. Planning for what’s sometimes called the “fourth trimester” is often overlooked. Reading up on what to expect with a newborn is not the same as creating a course of action to make sure sleep, feeding and rest are prioritized.
Even if they can’t be there in person during that postpartum period, grandparents can be an incredible help by encouraging parents to prepare for it. We love giving expectant parents a copy of the Postpartum Planning Toolkit from Like A Sister Support, which helps them make a comprehensive plan. But with or without that, here are some of the areas that supportive grandparents can help parents create a plan for.
Feeding New Parents
What plans do parents have in place for making meals easy after the baby arrives? Encourage them to make a concrete meal plan for the first month at least. Grandparents can help by organizing a meal train, filling the freezer, or setting up regular deliveries from grocery stores or local restaurants. Suggest they stock up on easy, nutritious snacks in addition to meals. Make sure they’ve found a grocery store that delivers, too. We’ve got more tips on feeding new parents in this post.
Feeding Baby
Parents often bring home their new baby with too little support around feeding. Learning about feeding a baby sounds easy in theory, but once that baby is at home, theory doesn’t matter! If they are planning to breast or chest feed, there are dozens of things that can go awry. Bottle feeding parents are equally likely to have questions about whether baby is getting enough nutrition or spitting up too much. Grandparents can help by gifting a feeding class to parents, and helping research lactation consultants or postpartum doulas, who are invaluable resources when there are questions.
Sleep for Everyone
When we were parents, it never occurred to us that there was a way to minimize the sleep deprivation that came with a new baby. Today’s parents have the advantage of sleep consultants who can help them create a plan to maximize sleep for the whole family. Grandparents can assist by sharing information about local or online sleep consultants with the expectant parents, and offering to help with the cost if possible. Via Graces has a fabulous and affordable newborn sleep class available online.
Postpartum Mental Health
Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety are quite common, and can affect fathers, as well. Parents who have prepared by researching symptoms and treatment options are more likely to get help when they need it. Grandparents can help by encouraging them to line up a therapist or other health care provider in case one is needed.
Household Chores
Just because there is a baby in the house doesn’t mean all those chores go away. Who will be putting out the trash, paying the bills, vacuuming, and doing the laundry? Grandparents can help parents make a list of things that will need to be done. Make sure to think beyond regular chores to minor repairs and maintenance. Then, encourage parents to figure out what tasks could be delegated to a friend, family member or paid service. Four hours of handyman service may not be a traditional baby gift, but it could take a big load off parents shoulders.
Visitors
Everyone is going to want to come see that baby! Parents would be wise to plan for how they will handle the requests. Do they want a week or two before anyone is allowed over? How will they communicate things like minimizing exposure to germs and maximizing rest for the family? Meals can be dropped off in a cooler by the front door, and gifts can wait for a couple of weeks. Everyone who loves the family should understand the need for parents to save all their energy for resting, bonding and healing.
Remember, being a grandparent doesn’t give you a free pass to be on hand whenever you want. If you are lucky enough to be welcomed, make sure you are there as a helper and not a visitor. Don’t cook a meal and expect parents to clean up, or insist that you hold the baby while parents fold the laundry. Your main focus should be on taking care of parents so they can care for their baby. Read more about how to make sure you are giving parents the space they need here.
Prepare Yourself, Too
One of the best ways to help expectant parents be ready for the postpartum period is by educating yourself. Parents have enough to deal with during those early months of parenthood without dealing with questions from grandparents about why they aren’t using the blanket Aunt Sue made in the bassinet. We’ve made it easy for you by including all the up-to-date safety, care and parenting information in New Grandparent Essentials. There’s a whole lot more in there, so go find out everything it offers.
Grandparents make the fourth trimester a lot less stressful by helping parents plan for as many things as possible. By showing them you want to be supportive, they’ll know that they can turn to you when the things don’t go as planned. Which, having been a parent yourself, you know will happen!