Co-Grandparenting Tips: How to Be Amazing Grandparents Together
Wondering how to be a better grandparent? The answer might be closer than you think. Learn how strengthening your partnership with your spouse or co-grandparent can transform your grandparenting experience and create lasting family connections.
Quick: Who are the “other grandparents” in your grandchild’s life?
I’m willing to bet that you immediately thought of one or more of these people:
Your son or daughter’s in-laws
An ex-spouse
A step-grandparent
Who thought of your own partner first? Gold star if you did! Only 6% of our Instagram followers chose their own partner when we polled them. Even if you did think of your partner first, you’ll still want to keep reading to make sure you aren’t missing a chance to level up your grandparenting game.
Why Co-Grandparenting Matters
I’ve written before about “the other grandparents” and the benefits of working with them instead of competing with them. Yet we sometimes forget about “the other grandparent” in our own home. It’s likely because we don’t think of our own spouse or partner as an “other” anything. But taking time to talk to the grandparent we are partnered with can make a huge difference in both our experience as a grandparent and as a partner.
Despite all the time I spend sharing grandparenting resources and inspiration with all of you, I rarely share anything with my husband. It only occurred to me last week, as I was planning this post, that he might like to get our weekly emails. I often find myself assuming he knows the same things I do, and then realize that simply sharing a house with someone doesn’t transfer knowledge. Just last weekend, I found myself explaining that trying to convince our grandson to take one more bite before he played video games was frowned upon. While it can be rewarding to be considered the authority on a subject, I don’t want to find myself correcting his approach to grandparenting.
The stability and satisfaction between long-term partners relies heavily on communication, especially during life transitions. Becoming grandparents is one such transition, and it’s important to talk about what it means to each of you.
How to Align Your Grandparenting Goals
The key to aligning your grandparent goals is to take time to talk about the big things. What are the big things? Discipline, parent boundaries, gifts and financial support, and time. You may want to have the grandkids come stay every weekend, but your partner may not enjoy two straight days of noise and chaos. Or you may plan to start a college fund, but your spouse may be worried about how that will affect your retirement savings.
Our signature resource for new grandparents, New Grandparent Essentials was designed to help you support parents and bond with your grandchild. It can also be a powerful tool for your relationship with your spouse or co-grandparent. The section called Your Grand Vision allows you to consider your goals as a grandparent and share them. It’s a great exercise to do with your partner, so that you can see where your goals might rub against one another’s.
For example, after completing Your Grand Vision, one veteran grandparent reported back to me that she and her husband discovered they had a major disconnect that needed to be resolved. One of her goals was to spend time with the grandkids and give parents a break. She envisioned taking care of the grandkids for a week while their parents got to go on a vacation. Her husband, on the other hand, wanted more time with their adult children in addition to the grandkids. They came up with a great compromise: they’d take the whole family for a vacation, and enjoy everyone’s company while giving the parents a break.
Tips for Strengthening Your Grandparent Partnership
If you currently live with a co-grandparent, here are five things to discuss to strengthen your grandparent partnership.
Take time to talk together about how you envision your roles as grandparents.
Share how you envision interacting with your grandchildren as they grow.
Discuss ways you can support your adult children and why that matters.
Share what you know about navigating boundaries and keeping grandchildren safe.
Encourage your partner to take our grandparent superpower quiz and talk about your results.
Of course, this isn’t a one time conversation. As your grandparenting journey continues, you’ll want to frequently check in to see how your partner is feeling.
Benefits of Grandparenting as a Team
Grandparenting with a teammate is far more rewarding, and can deepen your partnership, as well. Take time to talk about your hopes, share what you're learning, and appreciate each other's grandparenting style. Like any new shared interest, you’ll have new things to talk about and new things to learn about. Approaching this new phase of life as a couple will make the experience richer—for each other, and for your children and grandchildren.
The goal isn’t to always be on the same page about everything. The goal is to make sure you know what page your partner is on and establish a foundation of mutual support. Both of you play vital roles in your grandchild's life. When you acknowledge and value each other's perspectives, your grandparenting team can have a much greater influence on your grandchild’s life.
Want to make your grandparenting journey even better? New Grandparent Essentials has helped couples just like you and your partner as they tackle this adventure together. It's packed with conversation starters, valuable information, and practical tips that will help both of you feel confident in your new roles. Plus, you'll learn proven strategies for supporting your adult kids while building those precious bonds with your grandchildren. Join our community of grandparents who are loving this new chapter of life - grab your copy of New Grandparent Essentials today!
