As cold and flu season approaches, many parents are trying to set health-related boundaries with grandparents. Learn why modern precautions matter and how to show love while keeping your grandchildren safe.

Shanna couldn't wait to hold her new granddaughter. She'd been counting down the days until the baby's arrival, imagining those precious first cuddles. Then came her daughter's text: "Mom, we’re so excited for you to meet the baby, but could you please get your flu and Tdap vaccines first? Our pediatrician says it's really important."

If you're a new or expectant grandparent, you might have received a similar message. Or perhaps you've been asked to postpone a visit because someone in your household has a cold. Maybe you’ve been told you can’t kiss the baby. While these requests might feel overly cautious, they reflect an important reality: protecting babies from respiratory illnesses is more important than we once realized.

Medical research has taught us a lot about how respiratory viruses affect babies. What might cause mild symptoms in adults can lead to serious complications for infants. RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus), for example, sends between 58,000 to 80,000 children under five to the hospital each year in the United States alone.  Influenza and other respiratory infections can also be particularly severe for babies, whose immune systems are still developing.

Thanks to the internet and social media, parents today are up to date on information like this. They aren’t being difficult when they set boundaries around health and safety—they are applying current medical knowledge to protect their children.

It’s hard to be told you can’t kiss your grandchild, or that you have to postpone a visit because you have a little sniffle.

"But it's probably just allergies," you might think. "And I've waited so long to see them!"

Those feelings are completely natural. The desire to be close to our grandchildren is one of the strongest emotions we experience. However, true love sometimes means putting our loved ones first, even when it's difficult for us.

What feels like "just allergies" to us can be dangerous for a baby. We may have RSV, which hardly makes us sick but could be deadly for a newborn. What’s more, mild symptoms can be the early stages of a more serious illness, as DeeDee learned firsthand:

When my son was a year old, he spent the day with friends whose 14-month-old had woken up with a runny nose. 

“It’s just a cold,” we all thought. Until three days later, when the friend called and told me that her daughter had been diagnosed with measles. 

Sure enough, my son also fell sick. Both children were too young to have received their first measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) vaccine. Though neither had any major complications, both were very ill. It was frightening to see my active, healthy baby so sick he didn't want to play.

I’ve since learned that early exposure to respiratory viruses can lead to ongoing health challenges. I’ve always wondered if my son’s bout with the measles had anything to do with him developing asthma. I’m definitely more protective of my grandchildren’s health because of that experience.

One of the most effective ways to protect your grandchildren is staying up-to-date with recommended vaccines. Current recommendations for grandparents typically include:

• Annual flu shot

• Tdap (especially important for protecting against pertussis/whooping cough)

• COVID-19 vaccine and boosters as recommended

• Other vaccines as advised by your healthcare provider

If you're hesitant about vaccines, consider this: your decision isn't just about your own health—it's about creating a circle of protection around your grandchildren. Medical evidence consistently shows that vaccinated family members help protect infants who are too young to receive certain vaccines themselves.

Sometimes, the most loving choice is to postpone a visit. Consider these guidelines:

• Stay home if you have any symptoms (even mild ones)

• Wait until you've been fever-free for at least 24 hours without medication

• Be honest about any recent exposures to illness

• Respect parents' decisions about travel and large gatherings

As disappointing as it is, sometimes you just can’t be together. While a video call can’t convey that newborn smell, it can still be a point of connection. Sharing daily photos can help lessen your sadness at not being there in person. Read 5 Tips for New Long-Distance Grandparents for more suggestions on coping with being apart. 

Instead of feeling frustrated by health-related boundaries, think of it this way: you have the opportunity to set an example of how to put others’ wellbeing before your own. Here are some tips to help you be the role model your family needs:

Be proactive

• Keep your vaccinations current

• Inform yourself about recommended health practices

• Ask parents about their preferences before visits

Model good habits

• Wash hands frequently and thoroughly

• Wear a mask if recommended

• Stay home when you're not feeling well

Support parents' decisions

• Respect choices about gatherings and travel

• Wait to kiss the baby until parents are comfortable with it

• Initiate the conversation to help parents set boundaries

Remember, these precautions won't last forever. Your grandchildren will grow stronger, and their immune systems will develop. The investment you make now in protecting their health—even when it means temporary distance—helps ensure many years of joyful togetherness ahead.

More importantly, your supportive approach to health-related boundaries helps build trust with parents. When they see that you take their concerns seriously, they know they can rely on you to be a partner in their parenting journey.

Being a grandparent today means navigating new rules and childcare recommendations. While this might sometimes feel challenging, it's actually an opportunity to demonstrate one of the most important aspects of grandparenting: putting our grandchildren's needs first.

By staying informed, respecting boundaries, and making choices based on current medical knowledge, you're not just protecting your grandchildren's health—you're building stronger family relationships that will last a lifetime.

Looking for more ways to support your grandchildren's health and well-being? The Baby Care & Safety section of New Grandparent Essentials is full of valuable information for new grandparents. It’s also available as an individual purchase!