Cindy’s grandchildren live in another country and visit just once a year. The two weeks they spend together are the highlight of her year. Yet when they are gone, the shift to her old routine seems abrupt and painful.

Denise has cared for her grandson three days a week since he was a month old. Now he’s starting kindergarten, and suddenly her days are long and empty.

Janice and Carl’s daughter and her family lived just four blocks away until a new job took them across the country. The hole they’ve left in behind seems unfillable.

Though their situations are all different, these grandparents are all struggling with the same thing: how do you switch gears when you’ve spent a lot of time with your grandkids, and then suddenly they are gone? Depending on the situation, you may feel emotions from grief to relief.

It’s especially difficult when you go from been intimately involved with your grandchildren’s lives to being a bystander. You may not even remember what your life was like before them, making the transition even harder. But like all transitions, you can take steps to make it easier.

When the grandkids leave after a visit

After days of enjoying the antics of your favorite little people, you’re left with fingerprints on the windows, books and toys hiding under the couch, and a pile of dirty sheets and towels. No matter how much you enjoy the quiet that’s been restored, you miss your grandkids.

Here’s how some other grandparents hit the reset button after a visit from the grandchildren:

• Dena and Tim go for a drive to the shore and sit and watch the waves.

• Nancy goes all in on cleaning the house and restoring order.

• Fran and Dave spend the evening talking about how awesome the grandkids are while watching TV.

• Cecily makes a cup of tea and sits in peace, enjoying the serenity.

What works for you may be different. The key is to find something to do with your time and mental energy that can help you transition after the grandkids go home.

It also helps to spend some time recording the memories of the visit. Write down some of the highlights in a journal, or create a photo book with the pictures you took. Send a letter to your grandchildren sharing the high points so they have a record of them, too. Think about what went well, and what you want to do differently next time—and make a note that you can refer to when the next visit is planned.

When you stop babysitting grandkids

Just as your grandparenting role naturally evolves over time, your role as a caregiver will change as your grandchild grows or family needs change. You may be the one to initiate a change when the baby becomes an active toddler and you are suddenly experiencing grandparent babysitting burnout. Parents may decide a group child care setting will better serve their child. The key is to keep an open line of communication with parents about what works for everyone.

Whatever the reason, when you are no longer caring for your grandchild as often, there will be an adjustment period. Look at this time as an opportunity to prioritize your own needs, relationships, and interests. Make a new habit of walking after lunch, or invite a friend for a regular coffee date.

If babysitting your grandchildren has been a large part of your week, you may struggle to find purpose again. It’s out there! Start with a visit to your local library, and find a book on something you’ve always been curious about. Sign up for a course at the nearest community college or senior center. Look for volunteering opportunities in an elementary school or animal shelter. Join a gym or search for walking groups. Find things beyond your family that give you pleasure, and you will find it easy to fill those hours that used to be filled with caring for your grandchildren.

When the grandchildren move away

The hardest transition of all is when the grandchildren move away. Nearby grandchildren will likely have been a big part of your life. When they are gone, there are big holes in both your heart and your daily life. You miss being available to babysit and celebrating milestones. You struggle with coordinating video chats. You worry they will forget you.

As many long-distance grandparents can assure you, distance isn’t a barrier to a close relationship with your grandchildren. There are lots of ways to stay involved from a distance, and we cover a few in this blog post. Make sure your grandchildren and their parents know that you are still there to support them, even if the way you can do it has changed.

Keep in mind that while your daily life may feel empty, your adult child and grandchildren are likely to be extra busy after a move, and it may be hard to connect with them as often as you like. Put some of the time and energy you used to share with your grandchildren in person and use it to plan video dates and write letters.

Then fill the extra time and energy with hobbies and activities you enjoy, or find new ones.  (See our suggestions above.) Staying mentally and emotionally engaged in other areas of your life will help you move forward.

Adjusting when the grandkids leave can take time

Like any change in life, there’s no set time and no guaranteed script to navigate your adjustment. You may need to have one good cry and move on, or you may find yourself getting weepy over babies in the market for months.  You may be thrilled to get your days back, or you may feel aimless and lonely. No matter what you feel and how long it takes, life will go one. This transition is just one of many on your grandparent journey, and they get easier as time goes on.  The investment you make in your grandchild’s life by spending time with them is worth any pain you feel when you say goodbye.

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