Do you remember finding out you were going to be a grandparent?

For most of us, it is a thrilling moment. We start dreaming of having a little one to cuddle and love. We’re filled with the anticipation of watching this new little person learn and grow. We are bursting with visions of the adventures we’ll have and the memories we’ll make. We can’t wait for the chance to pass along family stories and the traditions we love.

Does any of that sound familiar? Most of us start daydreaming (and shopping!) long before the baby arrives.

For many of us, though, there are also worries. We really don’t know what to expect as a new grandparent. New grandparents wonder:

• Will I be able bond with my new grandchild when I can’t be there because of time, money, or distance?

• Will I be as good a grandparent as my grandparents were?

• Will I be able to keep up with the newest trends and information?

• Will I know when to step in to help and when to step back?

• Will the other grandparents have a closer relationship?

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These are the things that keep grandparents-to-be awake at 3am. The things we talk about with our closest friends. The things we spend time searching for on the internet.

These are the things that we try to help you with at More Than Grand. We want all grandparents to be a source of joy for their families, so we provide the information you need to get past your worries and help you thrive in your new role. We show you what to expect as a new grandparent, and how to step into your new role confidently and intentionally.

What to expect when you're going to be a grandparent

1. Family dynamics will change
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As excited as you are to becoming a grandparent, that’s not all that’s going on. Your adult child is becoming a parent, and your relationship with them will change. It can be hard to break the parent-child patterns that have worked for you for the last couple of decades, and this can lead to a lot of tension and misunderstandings. 

No matter how good your relationship with your adult child and their partner is, it is absolutely crucial to have an open conversation about expectations and boundaries. This is best done before the baby arrives, and revisited often. (Partnering with Parents sets you up for success with the exact questions you need to ask and how to ask them. Learn more about it here.)

2. You will get more out of the relationship than you put in

“If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first.” Lois Wyse

There’s a reason there are so many memes and coffee mugs declaring that grandchildren are the best thing about growing older. They bring an incredible amount of joy to our lives just by existing.

What the quotes and memes don’t say, however, is what we can bring to their lives. Children with an involved, loving grandparent are less likely to suffer from mental health issues throughout their lives. They feel more secure in their world, and thrive on the attention a grandparent can provide.

With the busy lives of many grandparents, it can sometimes be hard to be consistent in delivering that attention. Creating a plan for intentional grandparenting may seem silly or pointless, but it will repay you tenfold in the quality of the relationship you have with your grandchild and his or her parents.

3. It’s easy to go overboard

New parents will tell you: grandparents go too far all the time. They give too many gifts. They ignore too many boundaries. They offer too much unwanted advice. They step in to help too quickly or too often.

As grandparents, we know this is solely because of our excitement and overwhelming love for our growing family. Grandparents are usually right in thinking that the things we do won’t have a negative effect on our grandchildren: that constant stream of stuffed animals or late bedtime isn’t going to hurt anyone.

What we often can’t see in our enthusiasm is the effect that going too far has on our relationship with our grandchild’s parents. When we step in too often, we can undermine their confidence in their ability to parent. When we ignore boundaries, we can create tension in their relationship with their partner, as well as damaging our own relationship with them. When we give too many gifts or too many sweets, it’s the parents who must deal with the repercussions.

The grandparents who bring the most joy to their families are not the ones who bake the best cookies or bring the most gifts. They are the grandparents who focus on the relationships and work to be a source of reliable support when asked. They are the ones who respect the parents’ boundaries and offer encouragement instead of advice.

As in all relationships, what new grandparents can expect will be different in every family. Your role as grandparent will rely on two things: your own commitment to being an intentional grandparent and open communication with your grandbaby’s parents. We’ve got lots of resources to help you with both of those things.

Not sure where to start? If you aren’t already signed up to get our emails, that’s a good first step! Then spend some time reading through our website, or email DeeDee with your questions!