In a recent TikTok video, creator Gabe Escobar ranted about what he called “iPad Kids”, whom he called “bizarre and terribly behaved.” The video set off a heated debate about whether today’s children are unable to behave in public unless they have a screen to distract them. But one key counterpoint stood out: Escobar has no children, and can’t possibly understand how screens can be a lifeline for overwhelmed parents.

Screens are everywhere these days, and their role in children’s lives remains hotly debated. On one hand are benefits like educational apps and ways for distant relatives to connect. On the other hand, there are valid concerns about too much screentime leading to shorter attention spans and less physical activity.

The experts have weighed in on how much is too much screen time, but studies show that children often interact with screens more than experts recommend. As involved grandparents, we want both moderation for our grandkids and to embrace tech's potential. What’s the right approach?

As their grandmother or grandfather, you’re in a unique position to influence healthy technology habits. If you are worried about your grandchild’s screen time, read on for constructive ways you can help establish balance.

Reducing screen time can start with you

According to a study from Rutgers University, over half of the time children are with grandparents is spent in front of a screen. While moments of Sesame Street can give caregivers a needed break, child development research shows that young kids learn far better from live interactions. It's important that children don't miss critical hands-on playtime in favor of time engaged with a device. As invested grandparents, we need to make sure we are focusing on real-world discoveries instead of digital ones.

It can be exhausting to keep a young grandchild entertained, but there are some tried and true activities to turn to. Read our post, How Do I Keep My Grandchildren Entertained?, or visit the website Grandy Camp for fresh ideas.

Your own screen time matters, too

This isn’t just about the amount of time a child spends glued to a screen. Your own screen time affects your grandchildren, too.

Even if they aren’t watching, a television playing in the background interrupts a child’s play. We know that play is the most important way for children to learn, so when the quality of their play is affected, their learning suffers. Instead of having the TV on when your grandchildren are around, why not tune into some music?

Your time on your phone or tablet can also be problematic. It’s hard to connect with your grandchildren when you are trying to keep track of the baseball game. You can’t engage in conversation when you are checking your email. Even just looking at a phone instead of your grandchild’s smile sends a message. Consciously minimizing your own screen time shows little ones that they are your priority.

How much screen time is too much?

How much screen time is too much? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends not more than one hour per day of educational, age-appropriate content for children ages 3-5, and even less for younger kids. This includes time a child spends engaging with televisions, computers, smartphones, tablets, and gaming devices. Read more about the AAP’s guidance in our blog post, What Grandparents Need to Know About Screen Time.

If you are worried your grandchild is getting too much screen time at home, should you say something to parents? As with all areas of concern, tread lightly. As we recently wrote in Should Grandparents Interfere with How Grandchildren Are Being Raised?, consider whether you would speak up if the child was not your grandchild, but instead a neighbor or friend’s child. If you wouldn’t try to change the way someone outside your family was handling an issue, you are probably better off biting your tongue.

This doesn’t mean you can’t work towards changing things, though. Grandparents can be great role models and advocates for their grandchildren. Start by working to limit screen time when you are with the grandkids. Offer screen-free visits focused on puzzles, crafts, reading or backyard play.

Helping parents limit screen time

Parents often turn to screens because they simply don’t have the bandwidth to engage their kids in other activities. Grandparents are in a prime position to increase that bandwidth, either by helping parents more or providing alternatives to screen time. Drop off dinner and new coloring books. Offer to take the kids outside to play on a weekend. Talk to parents about ways you can lighten their load.

If you have regular caregiving responsibilities, gently suggest to parents that you work together to create a family media plan. This plan should cover parameters like timing, appropriate content and device-free locations. Parents will usually be on board, especially if you present it as something you are doing to improve your grandchild’s skills. Healthy Children, a parenting website from the American Academy of Pediatrics, has a great tool to help you create a plan for your family’s media use.

When coming from a compassionate, supportive mindset, you can positively influence your grandchild’s healthy screen use. Avoid judgment and power struggles over how much screen time your grandchild gets. Instead, collaborate: share child development research, plan screen-free activities, and help develop a family media plan. This will give all those devices an appropriate place – being used for life’s most essential connections.