What does asking your grandchildren questions have to do with their mental health?

More than you think.

We know from research that children, adolescents, and young adults who have an adult they can talk to about anything have better mental health than those who don’t.

We also know grandparents are perfectly poised to be that adult. 

But to earn that position of trust, we need to establish early on that we want to listen to them. To be able to listen, we need to get them talking.

While your grandchildren are still little, make talking to one another a regular part of your time together. As soon as they start talking, you can start developing conversation skills, whether it’s in person or via video chat. As they get older, your conversations will get more interesting—though you’ll likely still need to take the lead for a few years.

While some children are little chatterboxes, a lot of the time it can be hard to get them talking. This is where knowing how to ask the right questions comes in!

The best questions to ask kids to get them talking

So what’s the difference between a good question and a bad one? Your teachers were right, there is no such thing as a stupid question. However, some questions will encourage conversation more than others. Especially over video chat with small children, it’s important to ask questions that will engage them.

The most successful questions are ones that are fun for them to think about. So instead of a simple, “What’s your favorite animal?” ask, “If you could be any animal, what would you be?” Then comes the next part: Talking about what it would be like to be that animal.

The follow up is crucial, because otherwise you are just interrogating them. Your goal in asking questions is to show that you want to listen to them. Having someone who will truly listen and pay attention to them is a huge gift to a child. Those silly and lighthearted questions set the stage for a habit of talking to you about what they think and feel. What’s more, they can get you all laughing, which is another way to build a strong bond.

Here are some more good questions:

• If you could live in one of your books, which one would you choose?

• What makes you laugh?

• If you could only eat one food for a week, what would it be?

• Would you rather live in a cloud or under the water?

It can be hard to keep thinking of new, creative questions to ask. Luckily, there are some great resources out there. We love the Conversations Cards for Kids, available on Amazon. Though they are designed for kids 8-12, there are plenty of questions that you can ask younger children. As they say on their product description, they help you “learn things you don't know about topics you may not think to ask about, be present with your kids, and give them a chance to learn more about you. Practice conversational skills like curiosity, telling stories, and sharing as well as social emotional learning skills.”

Conversations with Grandchildren on FaceTime

Video chats with small children can be a challenge. Their attention span is short and they usually have better things to do than talk with a faraway grandparent. To succeed, you need to have a few tricks up your sleeve!

Dr. Kerry Byrne of The Long Distance Grandparent recommends having a few questions ready when you start a video chat with your grandkids. She goes on to say, “Remember, it’s not about how long you chat for – rather that you are prepared with something engaging to get the conversation going IF they feel like talking. If not, wrap it up and thank them for the time together. Say something like ‘I love hearing your voice, thanks for taking the time for us to chat.’ It really is about quality not quantity when it comes to video chats!”

If you regularly ask engaging questions and really listen to their answers, they will soon look forward to your video chats as much as you do!

Conversations as they grow

When you create a habit of listening while your grandchildren are young, you’ll be able to ask more serious questions as they grow. They’ll feel comfortable sharing their feelings openly with you. Even better, they will seek you out when they want to talk.

What children want more than anything is knowing that someone is paying attention to them. Just by listening, you can be the safe connection they will always rely on.